Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
