as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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