piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
