i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
