they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
