We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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