Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
