Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
