i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
