I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
