Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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