this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
