i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
