Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
