When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
