you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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