So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
