I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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