last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
