How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
