YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
