My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
