Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize