he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
