It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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