Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
