Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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