we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
