Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
