I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
