it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
