sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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