Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
