You're my little dorito
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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