Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
