that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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