my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is this the sara with the beer cane?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize