I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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