and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
