My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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