Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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