so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
