ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
