Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
