One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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