Non-Jews are for practice
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
