drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
