Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Panties = found
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
