Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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