he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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