I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
