dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think i got beer on your cat.
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