you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
