no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
