Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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