There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
