Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
