I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure