My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
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jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me