You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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