brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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