dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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