in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
