I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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