he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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