Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
