I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
