R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
