when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize