When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
