Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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