yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
