I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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