So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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