I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
