We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
