That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
