she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
